How to care for yourself when you're the caregiver.
You need more support than ever when a loved one enters hospice care. Remember to care for yourself too. Learn how you can prioritize your own health and wellbeing while caring for a loved one at the end of their life.
Take care of yourself.
Remember that a strong, healthy you will be best able to care for your loved one. Here area few tips:
- Eat three meals a day. Each meal should include protein, carbohydrates and healthy fats. Drink plenty of water throughout the day.
- Exercise regularly. Even if you take a 20-minute walk several times a week, you’ll benefit your health and help to alleviate your stress. If you are having trouble with motivation, bring a friend or your dog with you.
- Get enough sleep. Try to go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning. For the hour before bed, stick to a relaxing routine, like taking a bath and reading.
- Treat yourself. Try to reward yourself each day with an activity that nourishes you. Call a close friend. Work on a puzzle. Pick up a good book. Order take out. Sip your favorite tea.
Recognize your emotions.
Being a caregiver for a dying loved one is extremely challenging — partly because of the difficult emotions you may be feeling. Your emotions are natural and valid.
Sadness
It’s incredibly painful to watch a dear friend or family member decline in front of you. You may mourn the past when they were vigorous and independent. You may now be confronted with the reality that they won’t be around much longer.
Anxiety
You might feel burdened by the responsibility of caring for your loved one. You could be afraid that if you leave their side for a few minutes, disaster could strike. You might also be in a place of fear about what will happen after they’re gone and how you will live without them.
Loneliness
Even though your loved one is still alive, it may feel as if they're not fully there--like less and less of them is present with you each second. You might miss them already. You may also feel alone since your loved one isn’t available for you the way they were in the past.
Anger
You might resent other family members for not helping more. You may also harbor negative feelings towards the world for making your loved one sick. Plus--and this can be very painful to admit--you might be angry at your dying loved one for leaving you, burdening you and not being able to provide you with love, attention and affection.
Guilt
If you’re angry, you may also feel guilty for having those negative emotions. If your loved one is in a lot of pain, you might even feel ready for them to pass away—and guilty for feeling that way. You could also be uncomfortable with the fact that you are healthy while your loved one is sick and that you cannot cure them. If you’ve always taken care of your loved one yourself, you could feel helpless or uncomfortable watching a nurse or hospice worker do it for you.
Know that these feelings are completely normal and part of the caregiving and grieving process.
Get the support you need.
If ever there were a time you could use a hand, it’s now. Don’t feel guilty reaching out for help.
Manage your mental health. Consider talking to a member of the clergy, bereavement counselor or therapist about how you are feeling. If you think you are experiencing depression or serious anxiety, consider scheduling an appointment with a licensed mental health provider.
Hire a caregiver. Consider hiring additional help if being the sole caregiver is overwhelming and you feel you could benefit from an extra set of hands. That way, you can focus solely on spending time with your loved one.
Learn more about private duty care
Reach out to friends and family. Accept help from your friends and family. They will likely want to do what they can to support you during this difficult time. You could ask them to bring meals, watch your kids, tidy up your home or even do some of the driving to doctor’s offices. You could also designate someone to provide medical updates to friends and family.
Join a Hospice of Health First support group. Meet others going through a similar situation. They’ll be able to understand your pain and frustration like no one else. Hospice of Health First offers support groups, grief counseling and bereavement resources for grieving children, teens, and adults. Call us at 321.434.1744 if you would like to explore bereavement support services.
Is a child in your life experiencing grief? Get information on our Bright Star Program for kids, tweens and teens.
When your spouse in in hospice.
When emotions are overwhelming, it can be difficult to come up with a plan. Here are some actions you can take to navigate this difficult process:
Make end-of-life decisions. If you can, take care of critical paperwork early on so you can focus on savoring your time with your spouse.
Get more information on advanced directives
Reminiscence together. Comb through photo albums. Discuss your and their favorite memories. Share the joys of your life together.
Give them a comforting death. Ask your spouse what they need for closure. Help them say their goodbyes. Ask if they’d like you to start a foundation or fund in their name.
When your child is in hospice.
Think of this painful period as an opportunity to shower your child with more love than ever. Here are some tips to help you get through these difficult months:
Make end-of-life decisions. If you can, try to iron out critical paperwork early on so you can focus on savoring your time with your child.
Talk about death. Ask a professional grief counselor, social worker or psychologist how to discuss death with your child. To help with their (and your) anxiety, you might want to tell them what physical symptoms to expect. You’ll also want to give them chances to discuss their fears and ask questions.
Stick to a routine. If possible, have your child continue to attend school and allow them time to play, watch TV or otherwise “be a kid.”
Help them gain closure. Give your child opportunities to say their goodbyes. Ask if they have any end-of-life wishes and try to fulfill them.
Remember their life. With your child, preserve memories. Create a photo album or a scrapbook. Discuss your and their favorite memories. Reminiscence together about favorite times and funny stories.
Join a support group. In this difficult time, finding a community of other parents in the same situation will likely be the most therapeutic thing you do.
Talking about end-of-life issues is never easy. We can provide reassurance and guidance as you discuss your options with your family and medical team.
We know this is an emotional decision. Many families find that seeking help through hospice care earlier rather than later helps reduce stress and lets you focus on your time together.